Brush your teeth twice a day. Keep away all tooth decay. And like all my other friendly chums. You also must massage your gums.

• A Boy and His Dog (1936)

I must say that when I agreed to let Miss Molly move in with me I thought it was going to provide me with some companionship. Turns out that Little Ted seems to be getting more out of this arrangement than I am! He just dotes on Miss Molly; he cuddles with her and strokes her fur and talks to her all the time. She just patiently accepts all his attention, whilst sitting on the sofa, which - I MUST SAY is something that I am not allowed to do!
I guess it is a privilege of age.
I do get to play with all Molly's toys while Little Ted keeps her otherwise occupied so the relationship is somewhat symbiotic.

Dogs obey so much better than children. Don't they?

• Beethoven (1992)

Well, sometimes we do but not always, as demonstrated by todays classic behavior exhibited in Memorial Park.
I took Ted and the kids for a walk with my new friend "Miss Molly" and it was all going really well with Eddy holding Molly's leash until we encountered a strange neurotic woman around a blind bend. As soon as she saw us she started screaming "take your dogs away" as her canine companion began to bare his teeth and growl menacingly.
Spot the lunatic is what I say. Her poor dog must be so unsocialized due to his owners fear of other dogs that he cannot enjoy the company of his peers. Poor boy. Sad strange human!

I'm sure Solzhenitsyn has the same trouble

• Two's Company

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Gulag (Soviet Work Camp) the way Bella makes me work so hard as she stands around "observing". Also, that fence is always there to stop me escaping. Every time I'm in this cage I check out the perimeter for weak links in the fence but so far I haven't found one. That's a pity really 'cos I've seen lots and lots of deer grazing in the middle distance and I quite fancy running after them - just to say hello you understand. There are also lots of interesting wild animal smells around the perimeter fence and I think I saw a racoon there the other day. If only Ted would stop playing with that blasted tennis ball and let me chase live things. I really am getting fed up watching Ted and Buddy fetch the tennis ball!

Quiet!* You're not from around here are you?

• The Land Before Time: The Stone of Cold Fire

I met a rather boisterous new friend today in Memorial Park; she is called Megan and she's an 8 month old Labradoodle.
Gosh did we want to go for a good long run together but the rules say we can't be off the leash in the park so we just had to be content with a walk.
Our humans spent a lot of time discussing something called a dog park but they seemed to be saying that the City of Rockport is not keen on such a facility and had recently voted 4 to 1 against creating one. I guess the parks committee doesn't count enough dog lovers amongst its' members!

I'll give you a tune later.

• Birthday Girl (2001)

Wee Jeanie has a birthday today so, to follow on from the title:

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear "Wee Jeanie"
Happy Birthday to you.

There are no real monsters

• Cujo

Kima the devil dog - behind a fence which is perchance the safest place for her to be since she seems to want to eat me or at least sink her teeth into me!
It's a mystery to me how Pretty Boy Floyd puts up with her but I guess there is good in everyone if you know where to look and she is such a pretty dog too.
Ted wants to get me a companion some day so I hope he is very careful in his choice as I would be a nervous wreck living with a "Kima"

This is no time for Schopenhauer. This is important.

• Antonia's Line

Guess what I ate in the middle of the night when I got let out for a pee? I must admit that I'm very pleased with myself for supplementing my diet so efficiently. I'm not saying whether I actually managed to catch this item of food for myself or if I just came along at the right time to act like a "carrion bird" dog; that is going to be my secret. Nevertheless I did eat the tasty morsel and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

We're not athletes, we're baseball players!

• Mr Baseball

Saturday morning at the "clandestine dog park"; Dr Johnson and Bella are joined by two friends from Houston.
In this picture from left to right we have:

• Dr Johnson - taking it easy
• Kima the devil dog - trying to eat the fence
• Laid back Bella - doing what Bella does (not a lot)
• Floyd (Pretty Boy) - posing for the camera

In the background is "Evil Aunt Edith" who delights is leading Ted's children into mischief:-)

One has to ask some very strange things in the job I have.

• The Great Escape

Hello there faithful fans of my fabulous feverish fantasies; sorry to have missed so many days blogging and got some of you a tad worried. Never fear Dr Johnson is here again and will endeavor to keep posting in spite of anything life can throw at him, me, whatever.
Last week Eddy had a friend visiting and they didn't close the front door properly. Ever vigilant for the chance of adventure I snuck out before anyone noticed the open door and went to explore the neighborhood. Ted spotted the door quite quickly and came after me but I had my freedom and was quite decided on exploration so I just ignored him. I got as far as the drainage ditch and thought I'd just mark my new territory with a little pee but I hadn't been for a while so it took a long time and I'm afraid that allowed Ted to catch up with me and put me back on the leash. Rats! Sweet freedom was short lived but much enjoyed. Ted said it's just as well we live in a quiet sub division rather than on the highway or I might have been flattened by an 18 wheeler.
Which brings me to the title of this blog entry; what is an 18 wheeler and should I care?

Leon, what exactly do you do for a living? - Cleaner

• Leon

Ya know, Ted and Mrs Ted may have bitten off more than they can chew this evening. I mean to say look at the worried look in my eye, and I'm no scaredy cat!
Eddy and Little Ted were at "parents night out" at the Church this evening and they have gone to stay with their grandparents tonight. This is something which happens maybe once a month and makes everyone concerned happy, although I do worry that I'm not with the little Teds to look after them on these occasions.
Anyway I digress, the point is that, in their absence the senior Teds have cleaned the junior Teds rooms and packed a whole lot of stuff off to the local charity shop and I anticipate a deal of weeping and wailing when they return in the morning and discover that their rooms are clean, tidy, and devoid of a good proportion of their "previous" belongings!
Ted has been telling Eddy for ages that the "I can't see your carpet" fairy would come and remove some of the debris from her room - maybe she will believe him now woof, woof.

Off you go, you small boys.

• Gregory's Girl

Eddy and Little Ted pose on the bird observation deck near the skimmer nesting site at Rockport beach. Little Ted is holding up his toy snake and Eddy, well, she's just being Eddy.
I am, once again, forced to remain in the truck because Ted says I'll just chase the birds and that would be a bad thing. Personally I thought chasing birds was what I was supposed to be doing but you humans just don't seem to be able to make your minds up. After all birds are birds aren't they? Woof, woof.

No School, No Chores, No Clothes! It's Great Being A Dog!

• Dog's Life (2003)

Ah yes, this is the life. Last night I plunged into the pool whilst chasing a butterfly, today I charged around the yard chasing a whistling duck. Woof, woof life is indeed good!

I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it

• Why Me? (1990)

Oh, what the heck, I see a butterfly and I'm woofing well going to chase it!
Oops, I fell in the swimming pool - well I guess Ted will want to wash me with the garden hose since I'm covered in green algae.
As regular readers will know I, Dr Johnson the wonder dog, can climb ladders to get out of the water so it will come as no surprise to all y'all that I can get in and out of an above ground swimming pool with ease as well.
Note to Ted:
get the pool ready for summer! The kids don't want to swim in green water.
And let's not forget that I don't care what I swim in and you let me live inside the house with ya'll, woof, woof!

I must be crazy to be in a loony bin like this

• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Ted is not in a good mood tonight; I'm not too sure if this blog title refers to the "Evil Empire" or to his home life both of which appear to be causing him some concern at the moment.
At work he spent the entire day dealing with customer service issues which in itself is ok, but when combined with a net zero - that is absolutely zip in the way of sales, and the fact that it included dealing with no less than two certifiable lunatics during the day makes for an unhappy Ted.
Not only that but Mrs Ted is giving him a hard time over junior Ted discipline issues.
Oh well, we're just guys, what would we know?
Just as well the advice is to STOP before jumping from the ramparts, woof.

Hello everybody, Eddy here ...

Dr Johnson didn't really eat me or savage my stuffed tiger toy. He has his own stuffed toys to chew on and he is a real sweetie and wouldn't hurt me for anything. In fact he is very protective of me and Little Ted and we feel very safe having him around - even if he does stand on my toes and knock me over occasionally!

He's got to at least *pretend* to work with these people. You must convince him.

• The Sound of Music

The hills may be alive with the sound of music but Ted lives at the beach and sees no hills and hears no music. Instead he is bombarded with the constantly escalating nonsense of the Evil Empire and struggles to remain sane in the face of its' foolishness.
Today everybody got more than the required number of sales and the "motivational" board displaying the days' results ran off the page. Management is oh so pleased. Unfortunately that just means that they will expect every day to bring the same level of success. Even I, a mere dog, understand that if you eat all your dog food on Friday night there won't be any in the bowl on Saturday morning!
Of more pressing importance today to the Ted clan is the sad condition of Little Ted. He fell asleep at school and couldn't be woken up so they called Mrs Ted to take him off their hands. He was running a fever and we suspect he has at last succumbed to the same bug his sister had last week. He was given anti biotic followed by the nebulizer and went to sleep in his mommy's bed. The fever has subsided and we think we've caught it in time.

What do ya think? Am I close?

• Thursday

Woof, woof yes, I ate the little girl and savaged her stuffed toy tiger!
I couldn't swallow the second shoe tho' that was just a bite too far

I'm not frightened. I'm a little terrified, maybe.

• Shallow Grave

I'm not sure whether to be happy or terrified; these two put on a bit of a show for their grandmother this afternoon when they found a dead squirrel in her yard.
Eddy is crying for the poor dead creature but at the same time is holding a shovel and is ready to dig a grave; who knows what Little Ted's expression means. Prior to the actual burial he was caught "helping" the dead squirrel climb a tree!
I also heard him talking about "when the dog dies"
Yip, yip, yip - do I need to get out of here?

There goes my gun. Run out and get that like a good girl.

• Duck Soup

Ducks, ducks, I saw ducks!
Let me go, let me go, I can catch them, yes I can - let me go after them.
Ooh, ooh, all it would take would be a plunge into the pond and then I could swim after those pesky birds; I'd be on them before they could fly away and then we could have roast duck for dinner.

Let me, let me, let me!
Woof, woof, yip, yip!

When all you care about is here, this is a good place to be.

• South Pacific

" Younger than springtime am I" is not a phrase which Ted can realistically apply to himself these days although as I am a mere 4 years old it could apply to me - and this is my blog woof, woof!

This evening Ted and Mrs Ted got to go out to dinner and I was left to look after Eddy, Little Ted, and Mrs Ted's mother. All three of them behaved very well and gave me no trouble at all.

The restaurant chosen for this impromptu outing was Trout Street Bar & Grill in Port Aransas and a jolly good choice it was as the Teds had an excellent meal and even brought some home for me.

Good lord. Are you going to kill me?

• The Scorpion King

Yelp, woof!
I found this little pest wandering about the kids bathroom this morning and he had the cheek to try and sting me on the nose. I went and got Ted who put the pesky thing in a jar and got rid of it!
I expect it climbed up the sink drain pipe, out onto the sink top, and then dropped to the floor where I apprehended it - woof, woof.

Yep, almost midnight. Let the screaming begin

• ER

Woof, woof, it's Thursday night and everyone is in a tizzy; I give up, I'm going to go to sleep 'cos no-one has any time for me tonight. I got a quick run around the block and did get to chase some Mexican whistling ducks but then we had to come home to see how poor little Eddy was getting on with her nebulizer.
Eddy had a fever which recurred and so Mrs Ted carted her off to the doctor this morning and she was diagnosed with Walking Pneumonia.
She is on anti-biotic, puffs on the nebulizer four times a day, and has to get lots of rest which is very difficult for her as she feels just fine!
Ted has taken Friday off to look after her and to take Little Ted to the doctor to be checked out 'cos Eddy is infectious - She always did have an infectious laugh but this is a tad more serious.